At The
End Of The Day,
It's All About Your Family.
|
There is a front doorstep that Grapevine police Capt. John Luna will never forget. As a rookie cop in San Marcos, Luna sat in front of that door for more than two hours thinking about how he was going to tell a man that his wife of only a few months was dead. The 20-something's vehicle was hit broadside while she was on her way to cash the first paycheck of her teaching career. "It was such a tragedy," Luna said. "Two young people with their whole lives ahead of them, and it all came to a screeching halt." Death notifications are a daunting task that officers will likely face at least once in their careers. The job is usually the responsibility of chaplains, grief counselors or a medical examiner. But sometimes they aren't available. |
 Grapevine police Capt. John Luna still remembers when he was a rookie officer in San Marcos and had to tell a man that his wife of only a few months was dead. |
In Texas, police officers are required to have at least 618 hours of basic training, but only minutes are focused on death notifications, depending on the instructor, said Timothy Braaten, executive director of the Texas Commission on Law Enforcement Officer Standards and Education.
"Each situation is different," said Larry Irving, chaplain for the North Richland Hills Police Department. "Sometimes it's strictly an officer's judgment call."
Additional problems
In the midst of the emotional trauma involved during a death notification, officers must make sure that they are notifying the right family.
If the victim is not carrying identification or is disfigured, officers must take extra steps before notifying the family. Many times the medical examiner must step in to handle the question of identification.
A mother's intuition or a sister's bond may be enough to prompt relatives to rush to the scene of a tragedy, only to be frustrated when police can give no final answers.
"The only thing worse than making a death notification, is making the wrong one," Haltom City police Sgt. Terry Stayer said.
Another difficult situation can arise when families demand to see the body immediately, said Roger Metcalf, director of the human identification laboratory at the Tarrant County medical examiner's office.
The chief medical examiner can decline a viewing if there's a biohazard concern or evidence from criminal investigations being collected. Officials usually try to dissuade relatives from seeing the body.
"Sometimes we let them, but we try to discourage it because we don't have a facility to really clean up the body," Metcalf said. "We encourage them to wait until the body gets to the funeral home, but sometimes they insist."
Metcalf deals with families who oftentimes already suspect that their loved one is dead when he calls to confirm. If the victim is local, an investigator will drive to the family's home or officials will contact the local police department to make a death notification.
Memories
Officers have ways of coping with the tragedies that make up their careers, but many have experienced incidents they can never forget.
Luna can't remember the names of the people involved in his first death notification, but he can tell you exactly where the house was. A newlywed himself at the time, he never forgot the numb, shock-filled look on the man's face.
Stayer remembers going to a Haltom City home to make a death notification when she was a patrol officer in 1997.
She was called to an accident just after midnight. A 17-year-old girl was struck and killed by a car while walking with friends along Denton Highway. Stayer knocked on the door of the girl's home, waking up her mother, who believed the girl was safe and sound in her bedroom.
"She was devastated," Stayer said of the grieving mother. "She just couldn't believe what I was telling her. I don't know how to describe it."
Sometimes, family members call Metcalf searching for a loved one.
"There is one I will always remember," he said. "A mother called me to ask if we had her 17-year-old daughter. She asked me to go down to the morgue to tell her goodbye and that the family loved her -- I did."
WHAT YOU CAN DO
The medical examiner's human identification lab encourages residents to sign up for the Next of Kin Registry to make death notifications easier and more accurate.
The registry, a global nonprofit organization, offers the free service, which is available securely to registered emergency agencies during times of urgent need. The information can be accessed in the following scenarios:
Missing or injured child, adult or senior.
Those suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's disease.
Accidents while traveling nationally or internationally.
Unconscious person unable to communicate.
Natural disasters (hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, floods, tsunamis and fires).
Terrorist acts, nationally or internationally.
Next of kin or point of contact
Phone registration: 800-915-5413
Online: www.nokr.org
TRAINING
In the law enforcement commission's training manual, a section is dedicated to teaching officers how to deal with victims of crime and accidents. In the lesson, officers are taught to empathize, to answer questions honestly, to call the next day and to consider people's feelings.
The training also describes the victims' phases of grief and what they need from police during each phase. Among the do's and don't are:
Don't
Tell them everything is all right if it's not.
Answer questions only if you have full information.
Make promises you can't deliver.
Insist on talking -- silence is OK.
Impose your religious beliefs or personal philosophy.
Do
Say "I'm so sorry that this has happened."
Say "I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you."
Say "I'd like to be with you for a while if you don't mind."
Say "Would you like me to help you with ...?"
Say "It's not your fault."
mvargas@star-telegram.com
